Posted by: effingwishes | April 14, 2014

41414 – Back to basics

I love, LOVE, love good “math days”. Yesterday started a week of palindromes – 4/13/14, 4/14/14… i think this makes this week lucky.

It’s also perfect timing because last week Sucked. The expectations I have of myself tend to be too much. I am way to hard on myself and try and fail and get sucked into anxiety and crazy. Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty for being happy and waiting for the shoe to drop doesn’t make sense.

I’m back to making a conscious effort to tone down the nutball. Spring is coming. This means time to be back out in the yard, time to attend summer concerts, kisses in the rain and sunshine, and driving with the sunroof open and music blaring. Time to get back to me and the things that make me happy. I let the happenings of the winter months completely drag me down into ick. Now i have to work ubber hard to stay out of there and keep my face turned to the sun.

I found an Apache Blessing that I’ve written on my white board and need to commit to memory and recite daily until being happy, positive and sunny isn’t such hard work. I can be back to witty and funny, sunny and goofy in no time. Thank goodness!!

“May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being. May you walk through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.”

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Posted by: effingwishes | March 25, 2014

Having/Being Enough… What’s your anxiety?

Image

It’s no shocker I like oodles of pictures on Facebook/Pinterest/Whereever through out the day. This one today, which I am sure I’ve seen before, struck a cord.

I don’t care about the past. I mean, sure it’s neat and all – but it is what it was. No need to dwell  or obsess about it. So depression on that doesn’t affect me much. Good times and wonderful adventures are like a spinning carousel and those time come and go. So do the craptastic times. It happens.

The present. Yeah. I don’t focus enough of my time and energy on the day to the day, The happening NOW.

I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with anxiety about tomorrow’s tomorrow. Will there be Enough? Enough of what you ask?

Will there be enough

  • Time
  • Love
  • Energy
  • Food
  • Space
  • Laugher
  • Hugs
  • Kisses
  • Milk
  • Money
  • Gas
  • Joy
  • Love (I know that’s a repeat)
  • Will I be capable of providing enough of Everything to those I love
  • Me – Will I be enough?

This is the struggle. To calm the anxiety that says, there will Not be enough. You will not be enough.

There always ends up being enough, not oodles over but Just enough – milk to get through the week, dish soap, cat food, gas, change in the pocket, orange juice (well not this week because we are already out and I’m not going to the store again, but…you get my drift.) I know there is plenty. I have abundance of love and happiness to get me through but how do you tell anxiety to shut the effing hell up so you can focus on Today being enough?

Posted by: effingwishes | December 30, 2013

Happy Ever After, Happy Endings

Back on June 6, 2012 (6,6,12 – I’m such a nerd when it comes to mathematically awesome dates), I had a short entry post on Fairy tales…

http://wp.me/pSH7r-4d

Fairy tales

Who’s at fault for fairy tales getting a bad reputation?

The writer who won’t write the story because she is convinced that no one believes in them anymore…

The Prince who is too afraid to take that chance and kiss the girl…

The Princess who is too afraid to fall asleep thinking he won’t be there to wake her…

Currently I’m stuck on ‘Happy Ever After’ …’Happy Endings’ and what that means in general, in theory, in relationships, in day to day, everyday, cliche or not.

With the New Year right around the corner, it seems these phrases are getting a lot of traction. But they are said and tossed around so willy-nilly I think it diminishes their value.

I think the problem is that there’s no ‘ending’ in happy endings. Every day continues to progress and you can either continue to work at the ever after or get stuck in a cliched hamster wheel.

It’s no secret I believe in the happily ever after. I know it’s possible. I know things aren’t always cartwheels and chocolate chips. There tends to be a little bit of this sucks mixed into the everyday happy middle.

I don’t want to spoil the ending for you but … It’s all going to end up OK. And if you aren’t willing to risk everything, you’ll never appreciate the full story of your fairy tale.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

John, my love

John, my love

Posted by: effingwishes | December 18, 2013

Cupcakes over Crossroads

When you’re standing at the crossroads – why is it never obvious? Like a giant Pink Cupcake truck leading the way?

Would you like A slice of Cake to go with your train ticket purchase to Shitville, USA?

OF COURSE! Do you happen to have any red velvet?

Yes we Do!

Done! You know, this path through current crap is going to suck so you better toss in a German Chocolate Cake too.

I’m not saying every time you have to deal with change, or a crisis of faith, that you should run to your nearest Sarah Lee Outlet – now in a few years when O My Pie is up and functional I will strongly suggest just the opposite that you run in to my shop for pie & a cocktail – but I just effing wish being at crossroads didn’t suck.

So when you open the fridge and there is no cake, but you have someone to turn to in order to hug/cry/laugh it all out – guess that’s the silver lining to having to walk a different path than you thought. Sure the year won’t end like we thought, but we’re still together. And that’s all that matters. Love, Family, and Friendship really do make the best icing on this wackadoo life flavored cake.

 

Posted by: effingwishes | December 16, 2013

Words Can’t be Said

We can’t say Goodnight

We can’t say I love you and Miss your face.

We can’t say How are You?

Disappointment in the system is overwhelming.
I have no words.

Posted by: effingwishes | December 12, 2013

Bah Humbug

I know it’s hard to believe, as I sit here in my ‘Christmas tree’ holiday sweater that I effing hate the holidays. Yes, the lights are pretty and the tunes are catchy, but every effing holiday has colored lights to string nowadays and I don’t care if You Can Hear What I Hear. Yes, the cookies are delicious and who doesn’t love Lucy pestering Linus for presents but … Good Grief!! Does Christmas really need to come every year? Wouldn’t it mean more or be more special if it was celebrated like Leap Year or every 6 years like Judge elections?

If my holiday humbug was a movie character… Would it resemble Louis Winthorpe III’s funky drunken Santa shoving turkey and biscuits into pockets? It’s surely not the optimistic and neurotic Katherine from Mixed Nuts, or is it? It would be cool if it was bad a$$ John McClane kicking the arses of all the Ebenezer Scrooges out there – but we know my bah humbug is probably closer to Sgt. Al Powell holding a twinkie.

I have had a much better 2013 than anticipated and I am so very grateful for the love and happiness. Presents have been purchased and I’ve even wrapped one or two. I was a huge hit with my Secret Santa recipient … But it doesn’t wipe away the Bah Humbug stick the holly up your nose fa la la la la la la feelings…

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Posted by: effingwishes | December 11, 2013

Sing Along If you Know the Tune

Time to revisit last years Sonia’s 12 days of Christmas…

https://effingwishes.wordpress.com/2012/12/13/12-days-of-chr…as-sonia-style/

It was one of those days where staring at my screen was getting me NO where. Since I’m typically a big Bah Humbug, I figured I would rewrite the 12 days of Christmas. I think it’s kind of catchy but then I’m kind of wacko so… You be the judge…

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a Cassette for my Tape Deck.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Nine Ladies Dancing – What? It’s a good line and we like to shake it so why change it? Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eleven Pizza Pockets, Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Twelve Dunkin’ Donuts, Eleven Pizza Pockets, Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

20121213-223339.jpg

Posted by: effingwishes | April 30, 2013

Sleeping Soundly

I know an update on all things I’ve effing wished for is long overdue. I have several items saved in draft thanks to a longer work commute but that does little good when trapped in draft. So I will see what May Flowers can bloom alongside my blog.

I was reading entries from end of April last year… The angst and anxiety, the sadness and concern over a path I couldn’t seem to find.

I was thinking about Sleepless and how much difference time makes. While one of my favorite passages from last year, it wasn’t an emotion or feeling I miss. I haven’t had to count many sheep in the last 6-8 weeks. Here and there they pop up to Baah and bother me, but it wasn’t the everyday occurrence of me feeling like some Delinquent Little Bo Peep. http://wp.me/pSH7r-3m

‘About Today’ has come and gone as well. I can now ask my love about today without wondering how it will affect our tomorrow. http://wp.me/pSH7r-5e

It comes down to one holy effing shit difference between the last few months and last year – thanks to my dear friend Kathy (whose birthday is today by the way, Happy Birthday Kathy!!) and her fantastic High Heeled Girl Shindig, I met a different kind of knight and my chance at Movie Love is indeed a reality.  http://wp.me/pSH7r-5e

… I touched your hand before the crowd
Started crushin’ in
Now I’m higher than a kite
I know I’m gettin’ hooked on your love
Talkin’ to myself, runnin’ in the heat
Beggin’ for your touch in the middle
Of the street and I …

The plans to move to Nashville are off as I start settling into my new home in Joliet. I was sad to put my Steve Martin at the Nashville Symphony Center ticket up for sale on StubHub but who knows, maybe I’ll catch him here in Chicago.

Spring and the Tulips are blooming in Chicago. This means time for family and friends, nights out under the stars, concerts, wine and happiness. Works for me! And I am so tremendously grateful for the people in my life. Makes getting a good night’s rest so much better!

Posted by: effingwishes | December 20, 2012

A Year Later

It’s hard to not over think about the last year. I know the holiday season makes most people nuts. I’m no exception and probably spend more time nuts than most. But everyone needs a hobby. It’s not the Holidays that keeps my mind moving this month. I’m a little older. Wiser? More or Less.  Christmas comes and it goes. I give good gifts, I give shitty gifts, I don’t seem to care about the stuff. I’m sure there’s a Ghost of Christmas Present out there somewhere shaking its head at me. I love my family and my friends more than words or gifts can express so I hope that my love for them shows all year-long not just on this day and a half-holiday (since I work the 24th, I’m only counting this as a 1.5 day holiday) that takes months to prep for and zillions of commercials to listen through.

December 21st, tomorrow, (assuming the Mayan’s weren’t right) will mean I’ve been divorced a year.

So the last year… Pluses and Minuses….

Still living in the basement. More of my clothes (& shoes) saw the halls of OLCHS than I ever would have thought coming from being such a goober when I was in High School. Put another 16000 miles, if not more, on Peppermint. Saw a heck of a lot of movies, Batman Returns and Skyfall rank as my tops, even had popcorn spilt on me. Laughed ALOT in an assortment of adventures. Made it through most of the waffle menu at Waffles. Vacationed in Nashville and Las Vegas with my dearest friends. Fell head over heels in Love with Nashville and need it to be my home by this time next year. Went on a couple of great dates, went on a lot of duds, kissed handsome men, was smitten and heartbroken.  I made it on both Santa’s Naughty List and the Nice List. I questioned my strength and questioned my value. I laughed and I cried and then cried harder. More importantly, the one thing above everything is I am ready to do it all over again next year.

I will be more hopeful about 2013. I know I had a plan for 2012 and came up short but it happens. I just need to get through the next 11 days. I need to walk along the streets of Nashville, flirt with cowboys, kiss a random stranger Happy New Year when the Music Note drops and the fireworks start.  The year will end and 2013 will start off where I need to be and the stars will align to get me there for good. I’ll figure out how to pay for it later. 😉

At least I'm not the only one.

At least I’m not the only one.

Posted by: effingwishes | December 13, 2012

12 Days of Christmas, Sonia-Style

It was one of those days where staring at my screen was getting me NO where. Since I’m typically a big Bah Humbug, I figured I would rewrite the 12 days of Christmas. I think it’s kind of catchy but then I’m kind of wacko so… You be the judge…

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a Cassette for my Tape Deck.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Nine Ladies Dancing – What? It’s a good line and we like to shake it so why change it? Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Eleven Pizza Pockets, Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Twelve Dunkin’ Donuts, Eleven Pizza Pockets, Ten Loads A-Laundry, Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight MILFs A-Stalking, Seven Shots A-Shooting, Six Guys Proposing, Five Folding Chairs, Four Zombie Heads, Three French Fries, Two Leather Gloves and a Cassette for my Tape Deck

20121213-223339.jpg

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