Posted by: effingwishes | June 18, 2010

Wishes and Denial

Wishes…

I believe it was my second post where I talked about wishes.  Maybe if I was a different type person I could resist the lure of wishes. Resist the hope that if you believed enough that your hope or request could be granted. That a different outcome was possible.

On the way to work I heard a song that began with, “Can we pretend that airplanes in the Night Sky, are like Shooting Stars. I could really use a wish right now.” I immediately hit the Shazam app on my iPhone and downloaded it. In the last 48 hours, I cannot even count how many times I have played that song or considered the possibility.

Maybe it’s because there is too much rattling through my brain lately but I keep hearing snippets of reasoning coming from my satellite radio. 

Imagine this … many, many years ago a group of college buddies sitting around the kitchen table doing shots of Parrot Bay fresh out of the freezer.  One of the buddies – typically known as the caveman of the group – makes a rather serious comment, then immediately catches himself and says, “What am I, the Voice of Reason?!” Although I have not thought of that moment in a long time, I think it of now because I can’t find my voice of reason. Where did she go?

Denial…

I tried to have the talk. Explain my feelings. I should have been more firm. I should have used the dreaded D-word. But I couldn’t do it. I was called an F’ing asshole who cowardly likes to run away. Maybe. But at least I know in my soul I want happiness. By the end of the day and thru this week, you would swear I never said anything.

If I’m unhappy it must be all me then right?

Star bright, star light…

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Responses

  1. Lordy, with all my own drama, I missed this all happening. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. 😦

    Although I have to say, I wouldn’t think all the avenues you’ve tried would qualify you as one who runs away. I’m just sayin’…

    xoxoxoxo


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