Posted by: effingwishes | July 31, 2010

Waves

Standing at the beach in Grand Haven. Most of town is gathered for the Coast Guard parade so the beach is fairly empty. I’m the only one in a windbreaker as it’s about 72 degrees. The locals must be shaking their head at me thinking, what’s with the tourist and her windbreaker and phone? She should be enjoying the scenery!
What they don’t understand is that I am trying to take in every breeze and wave crash. As if the water comes in with my doubt and goes back unclouded, serene and sure.
The last time I was here I wished that I could jump into the lake and swim away as the Incredible Mrs Limpet. The air and water had been cold still in May. Now as the water crashes against my legs I’m transported to summers at the Dunes with my family. But getting back to the last time I was here, my husband walked a few feet ahead of me holding his camera tight. I don’t think I’m resentful that he didn’t hold my hand- it was more Why doesn’t he want to hold my hand?
These last few days have been the calmest I’ve experienced in a long time. Have I answered all my questions? Find everything on my Seeking Serenity Scavenger Hunt list?
No but I know my soul is torn.
And more importantly, I have forgiven myself for it.

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