Posted by: effingwishes | February 27, 2011

Fraying Rope

It’s one thing to be stuck in depression, it’s another to add the guilt of being sad on top of it.
I was sure I’d seen or felt the worst of it at the end of 2010. 2011 was going to start new and fresh. I’d be renewed.
I have roughly 56 hours left of February and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no glimmer of better. Why not? What am I doing wrong?
I recognize I must take a new inventory. Check in all the strengths an write off all the disappointment and disillusionment. I must be honest with myself and those closest to me. I know what needs to happen.
But why instead is the desire to pack up the car and join the circus so much stronger than any reasoning I have? Why can’t I pull my head out of my ass and say what must be said?
I’m tires of the frayed feeling. Tired of being that Toxic friend who just sucks the life out of the fantastic support team she has.
I feel compelled to scream out loud that I just want something GOOD to happen. I want to feel effusive again. Instead I’m an effing zombie who is losing her faith in wishes coming true.

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