Posted by: effingwishes | April 3, 2011

back to the heart of it

The point of this blog was rambling based on consequences of getting what you wished for. I was reminded of that this evening. Standing at Maureen’s island having some taco dip (which was dinner twice, maybe 3 times this week) I was overcome with feeling this is exactly what I wanted. Peace and Quiet. Time to myself. Time without the constant reminder of the failure and doom and gloom to come.

Then the doubt sits in. I don’t doubt that I can find happiness in my solitude. But what if it will always be just me. What if there is no better half. What if I never have the chance to be a mom? What if weekends are just time for laundry and exercise, movies and googling pie techniques? Will that be enough?

I need a plan. I need an exit strategy.

I need to find the peace of mind that comes with admitting people make mistakes, people outgrow one another and their surroundings, and that stars are in the sky to wish on.

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