Posted by: effingwishes | May 31, 2011

Memorial Day

Having a long standing policy of not discussing or reminiscing about anything that has happened beyond the last 10 years, it suddenly seems strange to me that I’m sad this holiday. Isn’t the point of Memorial Day to think about and respect our past and the men and women who fought for our freedoms? I’m mostly sad at all holidays for a varietal of reasons but summertime holidays are the worst. Instead of surrounding myself with family, friends, BBQ and watermelon, I spent it alone. Stuck in my own thoughts and memories of many holidays passing in the same format.
Sure a cold throughout this long weekend didn’t help. But it’s more than the sneezing and sniffling.
This is the first holiday since I told my spouse I wanted a divorce. Would it have been a jolly BBQ day otherwise? No, but still.
It’s been over a month now. I have items packed away and clutter decluttered. But I can’t just leave. Bills, mortgage, shitty debt, make it impossible for me to just abandon ship. And abandon ship for sandier shores is all I want to do.

The family will be here in a week as we celebrate my sister-in-law’s baby shower. Mom seems over-worried about how the news will affect dad. Gee he’ll be pissed and bitch but I can’t care. I can’t defend myself to him. I also can’t defend myself to my in-laws who have left a voice mail message weeks ago that went unheard and a letter received that has gone unread. I have spent too long beating myself up for this, I won’t stand for anyones judgment.

I believe I’ve gotten off topic…


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