Posted by: effingwishes | April 20, 2012


I take a deep breath and his scent lingers. A second selfish breath reminds me the scent is only there in my memory.  The air in my lungs has no remnants of him.  He’s never been in this space.  The moonlight dances through the window and around the quiet empty room. No one is here.

I flip the pillow over as if the action will dispel the memory. I roll over and switch sides.  I hear his voice in my ear, trying to talk me out of my restlessness.  Like the scent, the voice is just a memory. A ghost stopping by to say Hello. A ghost that never says Goodbye.

Forgive me, it must have been the whiskey that invited you over tonight.  But the ghost has nothing else to tell me and must have left, taking the scent with him.

I grab the headphones off the nightstand and search for a melody to ease me back to sleep.

Will you be here when I wake up…”

It doesn’t matter what tune comes up really, everything will bring me back to us. The look in his eyes. The curve of his smile. The mischief of our youthful actions and a history of decades so far removed it seems foolish to be here again. Stuck in the loop of where have you gone?

As my breathing starts to slow and settle back into a pre-sleep rhythm, I imagine myself back in the Keys, walking along the shore. Feeling the sun warm my skin, ocean breeze thru my hair, and then the scent. Your scent.

Sometimes I can’t remember how we met or how long you’ve been gone. Sometimes I wonder why the scent lingers when everything else has withered away.

Your voice returns to calm my restlessness. I inhale and can once again smell you and feel your strength envelop me.  At least sleeplessness has a benefit when it brings you closer to me.

The alarm rings a short time later and I realize it’s happened again. A visit from a ghost who never existed.

And the day must start again regardless…


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