Posted by: effingwishes | October 11, 2012

A Funny Thing Happened…

On the Way To My Mid-Life Crisis. (a fictional love story in the works)

Some people call it “Chemistry”, others say it’s “Lust”, or “Cupid’s Arrow” that draws people together. What brought us together was different. We had Awkwardness. It was Awkwardness at First Sight.

I walked into work late and scrambled to get to the 9 AM meeting. Why anyone would schedule a 9 AM on a Monday, I never understood but that wasn’t the worry today. This morning was going to be special. The girl who worked the Pastry Cart in the Lobby gave me 2 Danish pastries when I only ordered and paid for one. Silly vixen didn’t realize I didn’t play for her team, but I was going to take the Danish. I’m straight not a dummy. Before the Double Danish, I had missed my train and put a run in my hose. I figured things had to start to turn around. Until the meeting began.

And the new comptroller sat in my spot. When the same group of coworkers meet over and over in the same space, you know you have Your spot. And this guy was in mine. New and in the way. Awesome. Sitting through the weekly ramble I kept glancing over to figure out where I knew this guy from. He could have been any number of suits paraded in through the seemingly endless interview circuit. Someone who didn’t know what he wants in the Panera line in front of me when I was in a hurry or who would forget the McDonald’s meal number when it was his turn. I had hoped to quietly dash away before the ‘Hey Meet the New Guy’ began. I wasn’t so lucky. Fine, I’d play nice. After all I had just eaten a free Danish.

I extended my hand before looking up at him. Before I could open my mouth, his greeting was a warm and pleasant, “Oh Shit.”


Yes indeed, Oh Shit. While that wasn’t my Christian Name, it was a phrase I had heard enough to pass it off as an expression to answer to.

“I don’t go by that name anymore but it’s neat to see you again, welcome aboard.” And then I dashed away as fast as I could go. Leaving a room full of coworkers speechless. And we were marketing people – No one is ever speechless.

In that split second before deciding whether to dash to the elevator bank and make a run for it or hide out in the women’s bathroom for the full day, there really is no telling which decision is going to suck less. I knew I wouldn’t have cell reception in the bathroom and the elevator bank would only get me to my Danish Vixen. It was that moment of hesitation that allowed my supervisor to find me.

“Can we talk for a minute?”

What a stupid question. I’ve got Deer in the Headlights Face and I’m trying to figure out if my Danish Vixen has a car I can borrow to drive me across the border. “Sure, what’s up?”

“So you and Bryan are acquainted? Is that going to be a problem?”

“His position is still the one that signs my check right?”

“That’s one of his responsibilities.”

“Nope then I’m good. We’ve met yes, it’s no big deal. I better get back to work.” And with that lie still dangling off my lips, I sat back at my desk and took a bite out of the second Danish I was saving for that afternoon slump.

Out of all the men in every dance club in Vegas, this one has to show up in my conference room.


…. to be continued…..



  1. Can’t wait for more!

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