Posted by: effingwishes | October 15, 2012

AFTH… (Part 2)

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To My Mid-Life Crisis. (a fictional love story in the works)

Since using all of my sick days would make me look like a weenie, I needed to suck it up and try a different approach. Something tried and true. Avoidance. Avoidance and Denial. This was going to be the ticket out of the awkwardness I allowed to seep into my conference room.

The week ended without much added fanfare. Thursday was even a repeat Double Danish morning, although I knew I couldn’t go on eating multiple pastries in a day. I was completely grateful for over needy clients who kept me hopping from the time I walked in to the time I snuck out. Bryan was tossed into the fire of ‘figure out what mess was left by the last guy’ so I didn’t even have to contend with an awkward coffee machine moment.

I was beginning to feel comfortable that the whisperers had moved onto another target and the wondering had past.

That is until our office manager and our supply orderer, my friend of 3 years, placed a new name plate on my desk: OH SHIT.

I wish I could say that I noticed it right away, but I didn’t. There it sat on the corner of my desk all morning. Coworkers came in and out like it was Halloween – Did I have any gum? Did I take an extra print out? What was the name of that one place that had that sandwich with the Brie? I walked back to my desk after a short client meeting and finally saw it. I turned and saw my coworkers, my friends, huddled in the hallway, laughing hysterically at me.

I no longer felt awkward. I was furious! I grabbed my turkey brie sandwich and headed out the door, but not before letting the whole floor know I thought they were asshats.

Luckily it wasn’t a cold October day, especially since I hadn’t thought to grab my jacket. I sat in the sun and unwrapped my sandwich. I needed to not blow up at my coworkers if I wanted to keep my job and I needed to find a way to shrug off the awkwardness. But I was pissed off and inhaling lunch like it would stop my embarrassment.

“I guess it’s safe to assume I owe you an apology.”

If you have never had a Turkey, Bacon, Apple and Brie sandwich from Specialty’s then you would not know that the apples are particularly juicy and the brie is especially melty. It’s that moment of the perfect bite when your mouth is leaking sandwich juices, and the one slice of bacon is kind of dangling unattractively from your face, that the man you are avoiding chooses to speak to you.

Now it was my turn as I rolled my eyes, “Oh Shit.”


Trying to recoup anything that could pretend to be dignity, I swallow hard and choke out, “I’m just trying to eat my sandwich. Did you need something?”

“No, I just heard someone holler Asshats and then the elevator dinged. I figured I had missed some sort of ruckuss. Danielle was walking out of your office with a name plate that I think should go on my desk.”

“She’s lucky she didn’t get that plate across her head.”

The image of Danielle being smacked with the name plate made me laugh. I had no business trying to be funny while trying to still get my bite down. And the universe agreed. So when I knocked my soda onto his pants, all I could say was, “Oh Shit”. And laughed harder.

Sometimes awkwardness just spreads like wildfire!


… To be continued…


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