Posted by: effingwishes | October 31, 2012

Before That Funny Thing Happened… (AFTH Part 3)…

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To My Mid-Life Crisis. (a fictional love story in the works)

Sometimes you only need 3 things to change directions: 1) An Expedia.com email with just the right persuasive ad, 2) a new credit card and 3) a Really, REALLY bad day.

And that’s just what I had one morning 3 years ago. I had spilt my coffee on my suit, missed my regular Metra, and more tragically had just been dumped via text. It wasn’t even a good text. It was a Hey Babe gotta pick up my stuff, we had fun rite? text.

Seriously?! Oh the stuff I just chucked into the goodwill container causing me to miss my train? Yeah that stuff? Don’t bother. Fun. What the fuck. Sure fun was had in the 3 year on and off again relationship and who knows maybe there could have been love there somewhere possibly but seriously, a text message? Chivalry had died a sad, sad death.

Sitting at my local Dunkin Donuts with 18 minutes to stew, I realized I had a meeting I would miss thanks to my Good morning I Love You text message. Oh Wait, that Wasn’t the text I got. I jumped up thinking I could get my car and drive in, but not being used to such sudden movements I spilt the coffee. I sat back down, defeated, and waited for my train. Called work and persuaded my partner to take the health check call for me.

By the time I arrived at the office, coworkers were concerned I had been mugged. Turns out that I didn’t carry a mirror on me, didn’t notice the frightened stares of my fellow passengers as I quietly sobbed, nor did I think that coffee wouldn’t stain my light-colored slacks. I was a mess. And the morning kept getting shittier.

Turned out my favorite client, the client who helped me build my career at the firm, had decided to sell and retire and no longer needed my marketing knowhow. I read the letter ending our contract that our curmudgeon controller handed me about 10 times and then had had enough. I called my boss and took the next 2 days off. I retrieved the expedia email from the trash and took advantage of their last-minute 50% off Vegas getaway deal. Now I needed a wing-woman.

“Can you be packed for Vegas and be at my apartment by 2 for a 5:10 flight?”

“I’m already packed and I’ll be at your place by the time your train gets you home. I’ll have your bag packed.”

Some people keep emergency kits for natural disasters or emergencies. My best friend has emergency overnight bags – Spa, Island, Vegas. I don’t even have an emergency can of soup. I don’t judge.

By 11:15 we were singing along to every hit playing in The Bourbon Room. I was making my way down their list of Bourbons when the most amazing blue eyes walked over.

“You know every lyric to every single song. I’ll bet you your next shot that you won’t know the next song that comes up.”

“Seriously? I’m an 80’s lyrics Savant. You may want to order us the next 3 on the list, you won’t be able to keep up with me.”

Dexys Midnight Runner wasn’t even a challenge. I played coy when the first bars of Janet Jackson’s Nasty started but Blue Eyes never stood a chance. I spent my childhood glued to the radio and watching MTV. I would tape songs on our cassette recorder then spend hours with the play/stop/rewind/play/stop routine to get my favorite songs Just Right. We sang and drank until breakfast.

I couldn’t understand why Michelle was staring at me with her Cheshire cat grin and 3 coffee containers.

If you’re staying in bed all day then I’m going back for another massage, which you are paying for. Or we could all go get some food. I’m starving.”

I was starving too and was sporting an awesome Bourbon headache.

“Why so much coffee?”

“For your new friend.”

Oh Shit. Blue Eyes was even good-looking as he slept. That’s dam awkward!

… To Be Continued…

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