Posted by: effingwishes | November 4, 2012

Through the Eyes of a 16 Year Old

I have some of the best conversations about life with my niece. She is so different from how I was at 16. Although I probably shouldn’t, I can say anything to her. We discuss our troubles with boys and she steals my clothing. She’s the little sister I never wanted but love even when she’s a pain in the tuckuss.

Today’s talk started off harmless enough – she had a few questions about my writing. And then spiraled quickly into absurdity when she decided she should be my life coach. The girl who thought BYOB stood for ‘buy your own bread’ is going to help get my life back on track. I’m doomed. I look at it as I’m 33 days away from turning 38, have made good decisions and bad ones, earned my MBA in Finance and 2 post-graduate certifications. My I’m an Adult membership card is worn but it’s earned.  However, her focus is primarily on the last 13 months: my divorce, my dating and my living with my brother and his family.

She had a list of about 17 “suggestions” of what I needed to do in order to turn my life around.  Because I found most of them hysterical I chose to dedicate todays NaBloPoMo post to her advise.

#1) Set My Priorities. I have priorities. They just aren’t typical in the eyes of a 16-year-old. Currently they go something like: Get to Vegas & have a birthday blast, Have a great New Years (preferably by seeing the Music Note drop in Nashville), and have moved to Nashville by end of 1st Quarter 2013.  Everything else will work itself out.

The rest may not be in the correct order since I was thinking about my next Words With Friends move while she rambled.

#2) Stop Taking Vacations. PISH POSH on that!!!  First of all see the sentences above! I’ve got places to go! My father is 72 and racked up more frequent flyer miles in the last decade than I think he ever did in the first 60 years of his life. We are travelers. I’m just getting an earlier start at it.

#3) Don’t Drink Wine. I drink a lot more vodka than wine anyway so this one isn’t totally awful (but still not going to happen).

#4) Purchase a new black ruffle shirt that looks like the one she has already claimed as her own but in a size Large since the XL is too big for the both of us. Why don’t I order it in multiple colors while I am at it?

#5) Read “The Rules: Time Tested Secrets to Getting Mr Right. No. No. No. I don’t agree with rule #2-7, 9-14, and don’t even get me started on #15! Yeah that’s as far as I let her read aloud. Granted my track record with men this year is looking like the KC Chiefs (1-6) but I’m not going to be someone I’m not. I like whiskey and football, 80’s music, and driving my car 2 hours for good wine. “Mr. Right” will just have to find me.

I know there was a lot more helpful advise but I figure recapping this much silliness was enough for the day. I’m grateful she cares enough about me to give me her input. And someday in the future when she’s living in my basement, I’ll be sure to offer my life coach advise for her.


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